AT A GLANCE

While walking to the grocery store this evening, I was keenly aware of a glance from a couple in their late 50’s as they drove past me. The lady tried to pretend she didn’t notice me or recognize the direction from which I came. Them, in their fancy Chrysler that is probably worth a million dollars or whatever. Her perfectly groomed salt and pepper hair that she just had styled for the week. As she and her faithful husband were on their way back to that fancy home in the country. 

I had on my $1 flip-flops from Old Navy, work pants that I still hadn’t changed out of, and an army green top I purchased at The Gap on a clearance rack. Along with my purse I bought at a flea market and my torn reusable shopping bag, I was on my way to use my coupon for free eggs (with a $10 purchase). Well, I was actually intending to buy coffee, but the free eggs were a bonus.

My apartment complex and the local grocery store are separated by a fence that has an opening which I sometimes walk through instead of driving all the way around (it takes less time to drive there but whatever).  It isn’t the best neighborhood and it isn’t the worst. I’ve never had a break-in and no one has ever tampered with my car. If the worse thing is listening to my neighbors argue on a daily basis (I know their kids’ names and we’ve never even shared as much as a ‘hello’) then I’d say it isn’t too bad.

The lady (I’m sure she was a nice lady) had no idea that I once lived in my fairytale palace too or my simple home in the country, but whatever. I once drove a fancy car that I parked in my fancy garage attached to my fancy house with a spectacular view of my fancy back yard.

I continued to walk and could almost sense her thoughts. It wasn’t all that long ago that I sat where she is now. It’s only my perception as I’m sure her life isn’t perfect. Everyone has some sort of struggle. So I’ll preface by asserting my thoughts as her own by illuminating presumptions according to her clear pretense.

From the snobbish look she gave me, this is what she revealed…I see the girl walking to the grocery from a not so great neighborhood. She probably doesn’t have much ambition. She’ll most likely use her tax based food stamps at check out. How sad that she doesn’t have more in her life. She looks forlorn. Education probably isn’t an option. She should do something with her life. How can people live without ambition? I feel sorry for her. She walks to the store because she can’t afford a car. No ring. She’s most likely a struggling single mother with bad kids. I wonder how people end up that way. Luckily, I have everything I could ever want, imperfectly perfect.

I recognized her quasi-responsive emotions. I kept my head up and continued my goal, to retrieve groceries. Only the essentials, since I can’t afford much more. Don’t look down on me from your fancy car. I’m not who you think I am. Don’t judge me by my clothing. Don’t judge me by my neighborhood. And don’t think I lack ambition or drive because of your presumptions. Don’t look down your nose at my life that you know nothing about. I may be down, but I’m not out.

I put myself where I am. I’m currently dealing with the consequences of my own choices and the choices of others. I’m doing the best I can. I came from a mountain, and I currently live in a valley. We make the valley as beautiful as we can. Please, you don’t know my story, so don’t try to sing my song.

Yes, I’m tired. Yes, my clothes are cheap. Yes, my home is modest. Yes, I’m only buying a few items. And yes, I’ve been where you are. It’s easy to judge when you’re high on a mountain looking down into the valley. Just remember, it can be beautiful in the valley. My mountain has obstacles, and when I reach the top, I’ll know that I didn’t fall there. I’m strong, but I’m tired. I may be eating from the crumbs, but you better believe it won’t always be that way. 

I once went to the grocery store with a husband, in a nice car. And I once returned to my beautiful home.

Dear Lady who feels sorry for me, please don’t. Don’t glance at me, then look away, embarrassed. I see you. But I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. 

I can only guess what your pretentious look meant, just like you’re grasping at who you think I am.  I have more will and courage than you can imagine. I’m only walking to the store to save my gas money to buy more cheap flip flops which make me momentarily happy.