While walking to the grocery store this evening, I was
keenly aware of a glance from a couple in their late 50’s as they drove past me.
The lady tried to pretend she didn’t notice me or recognize the direction from
which I came. Them, in their fancy Chrysler that is probably worth a million
dollars or whatever. Her perfectly groomed salt and pepper hair that she just
had styled for the week. As she and her faithful husband were on their way back
to that fancy home in the country.
I had on my $1 flip-flops from Old Navy, work pants that I
still hadn’t changed out of, and an army green top I purchased at The Gap on a
clearance rack. Along with my purse I bought at a flea market and my torn reusable
shopping bag, I was on my way to use my coupon for free eggs (with a $10
purchase). Well, I was actually intending to buy coffee, but the free eggs were
a bonus.
My apartment complex and the local grocery store are
separated by a fence that has an opening which I sometimes walk through instead
of driving all the way around (it takes less time to drive there but whatever).
It isn’t the best neighborhood and it
isn’t the worst. I’ve never had a break-in and no one has ever tampered with my
car. If the worse thing is listening to my neighbors argue on a daily basis (I
know their kids’ names and we’ve never even shared as much as a ‘hello’) then
I’d say it isn’t too bad.
The lady (I’m sure she was a nice lady) had no idea that I
once lived in my fairytale palace too or my simple home in the country, but whatever.
I once drove a fancy car that I parked in my fancy garage attached to my fancy
house with a spectacular view of my fancy back yard.
I continued to walk and could almost sense her thoughts. It
wasn’t all that long ago that I sat where she is now. It’s only my perception
as I’m sure her life isn’t perfect. Everyone has some sort of struggle. So I’ll
preface by asserting my thoughts as her own by illuminating presumptions
according to her clear pretense.
From the snobbish look she gave me, this is what she
revealed…I see the girl walking to the grocery from a not so great
neighborhood. She probably doesn’t have much ambition. She’ll most likely use
her tax based food stamps at check out. How sad that she doesn’t have more in
her life. She looks forlorn. Education probably isn’t an option. She should do
something with her life. How can people live without ambition? I feel sorry for
her. She walks to the store because she can’t afford a car. No ring. She’s most
likely a struggling single mother with bad kids. I wonder how people end up
that way. Luckily, I have everything I could ever want, imperfectly perfect.
I recognized her quasi-responsive emotions. I kept my head
up and continued my goal, to retrieve groceries. Only the essentials, since I
can’t afford much more. Don’t look down on me from your fancy car. I’m not who
you think I am. Don’t judge me by my clothing. Don’t judge me by my
neighborhood. And don’t think I lack ambition or drive because of your
presumptions. Don’t look down your nose at my life that you know nothing about.
I may be down, but I’m not out.
I put myself where I am. I’m currently dealing with the
consequences of my own choices and the choices of others. I’m doing the best I
can. I came from a mountain, and I currently live in a valley. We make the
valley as beautiful as we can. Please, you don’t know my story, so don’t try to
sing my song.
Yes, I’m tired. Yes, my clothes are cheap. Yes, my home is
modest. Yes, I’m only buying a few items. And yes, I’ve been where you are.
It’s easy to judge when you’re high on a mountain looking down into the valley.
Just remember, it can be beautiful in the valley. My mountain has obstacles,
and when I reach the top, I’ll know that I didn’t fall there. I’m strong, but
I’m tired. I may be eating from the crumbs, but you better believe it won’t
always be that way.
I once went to the grocery store with a husband, in a nice
car. And I once returned to my beautiful home.
Dear Lady who feels sorry for me, please don’t. Don’t glance
at me, then look away, embarrassed. I see you. But I don’t know you, and you
don’t know me.
I can only guess what your pretentious look meant, just like
you’re grasping at who you think I am. I
have more will and courage than you can imagine. I’m only walking to the store
to save my gas money to buy more cheap flip flops which make me momentarily happy.
