T-minus 2 weeks. That’s when I leave for my solo trip. I
almost can’t believe it.
I’ve been dreaming of a solo trip for as long as I can
remember. There were many days, which seem like yesterday, when I didn’t think
I’d make it through. When times were so rough and life seemed uphill every
moment. Raising kids is hard, work is hard, and dealing with mean people is
hard.
Have you ever wanted to run away from home? Go somewhere to
forget reality for a bit and just be yourself? Or even figure out who you are?
I wanted to do that a million times throughout my lifetime. Luckily, I am who I
am because of my trials, conflicts, and constant battles. Those tribulations
gave me strength. That strength provided me with courage, and I’ll muster that
courage to take this trip when I never thought it was possible.
I attribute my motivation to the words of people that had little faith in me. Those people fed me my fear on a pretty platter with great detail regarding why it wouldn’t be possible for me. They surrounded the fear and held it high on a pedestal forcing recognition into my line of sight. I believe they held my fear in high regard to keep me grounded, to prevent my personal growth, and to hold my wings captive.
The words they used weren’t always direct statements, such
as, “You’ll never be able to do that.” Although, that’s the most popular declaration.
Sometimes, it was more passive, like, “Why would you want to be alone?” Or, “I
hate traveling alone, you won’t like it.” My response is always, “Are you me?”
If you know me at all, I gain strength through solitude. I
live in a state of introspection. I’m no good for anyone if I’m not happy and
contented. My peace lies in my alone time. I’m never lonely, because I like
myself. I’m good company for myself. And I figured that out by spending time
with me.
To clarify, I’ll write several blogs leading up to my
departure, if you want to follow me along this journey. I’ll describe my fear,
and the reasons why I am taking this trip. I’ll also describe how I am
preparing for it. For now, I’ll rest, because I’m depleted for the evening and
my courage still comes in waves.
