He’s leaving tomorrow…
The boy…
I never thought this day would come. This is a child that
would grimace at people if they looked in his direction. This was a child that
was attached to me from day one. He was always very clingy. He was a momma’s
boy in every sense of the word.
As he grew up, he eventually stopped growling at people, but
rarely made eye contact. While people talked to him, he would look at me for
safety and security. I’m sure people thought he was an odd one, and he was.
He loved his momma. It broke my heart when I’d drop him off
at daycare and he’d scream when I would leave the room. I thought this kid
would have serious detachment issues as he aged. (He’s pretty awesome now)
But as time would have it, he slowly came into his own. He
still eyed me for approval on the basketball court, on the baseball field, and
as he ran as fast as he could around the track. I made sure I had a smile and
never a disappointing look. If there was ever anything I could count on, it was
that at some point during his activities, his eyes would find me. And I was
always there to give him the safety he was seeking.
This kid is funny. Oh my goofness! This boy! To this day, he
still isn’t a social butterfly to older adults, but he’s pretty popular among
his friends. When this kid is home with me and it’s just him and I, sometimes
he won’t shut up. Not only does he talk to excess, but I could almost swear he’s
from New York with the speed the words fly out of his mouth.
He speaks numerous accents from Russian, Irish, British,
Indian, and several more. I can’t even begin to describe his humor. I don’t
know where he comes up with this stuff, but I couldn’t even begin to count the
nights I laugh until my stomach hurt. This kid has always been my comic relief,
even on my worst days. His facial expressions are enough to make me laugh out
loud.
He’s seen some hard times. Three and a half years ago, my
little family went through the worst time in our lives. It affected us all. The
picture of our life now was unimaginable at that time. Because of God’s grace,
we don’t live in misery anymore. That’s my story, and it’s for another time. We
all have a story. I digress…
I don’t know about your families, but let me just say that
one teenage boy can create natural disasters inside of four walls I never knew possible.
Sometimes, you don’t find the catastrophe until hours or even days later. And
it’s never at a convenient time.
Lazy! Children are lazy! Ugh, why can’t they clean up
dribbles of milk, or put chips away when they are done eating them? And why must
everything be a struggle? The most frustrating is their selfishness. They can’t
see that maybe mom is tired too. They see all the hats I wear and assume I generate
enough energy to put the ‘maid’ hat on. Yeah, doesn’t always happen. Then when I
had enough of the laziness and their ungrateful attitudes, they couldn’t figure
out why I became a raging lunatic.
Before I go off on a tangent, too late, I’ll get back to my
point. Not sure I really had a point, other than to express what my son means
to me. I’ll never get it all on my blog, as I still have the car to pack and
make sure everything that he wants to take is boxed up.
We sifted through drawers and all the nooks and crannies. “Want
to take this?” I’d ask. “No.”
“How about this and this?” And so on…
It’s funny looking around his tidy, yet not too empty room.
The only things that aren’t packed are posters he didn’t want to take (not even
the ‘Breakfast Club poster, what??), some books he read as a kid, older game system
games, a bunch of mismatched socks (I think he just didn’t want to pair them
up), his old toy box with toddler toys that haven’t been touched in years, his
saxophone that he stopped playing his 8th grade year, his empty
dressers, and his coat rack void of jackets.
18 years.
Where did they go? I remember praying for a day when I could
do what I wanted to do. There were many times while they were growing up I’d
become overwhelmed with responsibility wishing I could fly off to a faraway
place and take an extra-long vacation. I couldn’t wait for them to grow up so I
could have some peace. I’ve been a single parent for so long, I didn’t know
what life would be like otherwise. Even my brief encounters with marriage, it
was clear that I would remain a single parent in the midst of those. By then, I
had it mastered!
I understand I’m the primary source of ‘Hey, mom. How do I…’,
among other things. I’m still always ready and available for my kiddos. They
just don’t need me to tie their shoes anymore, or teach them how to use a
spoon. The conversations changed to bank accounts, credit scores, insurance,
and debt. They now deal with real world stuff.
One thing I’ve always told my kids. “No matter what happens
in this crazy life, momma is always here for you, you can always trust me, and
I’m always on your side.”
So, as the sun sets on my single parenting duties, I’m armed
and ready for the dawn of this new adventure. In 21 years of being an adult, my
kids have always been with me. My baby girl has been on her own since 2014. I
send my baby boy into the world tomorrow. I’m secure with the knowledge that
they both have the tools to create the future they want, and they they’ll make
the right choices.
Ol’ mom will be okay. Living alone is WAY easier than living
with little people I am responsible for. It’ll just be different. If I can take
care of 3 people, I’ll do just fine with me. Besides, I have my God…
…and I’ve asked God to go and watch over my kids, too.
And here's a few pictures! :)
(Forgive this unedited blog, I have more important things to go do...)
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