Solo Trip - 6 Tuesday

I won’t bore everyone with details about my first day in Colorado. Other than sites preplanned on my agenda and a few extras, it went pretty smoothly.

Side note...The fog in the mornings (if it rained) enhanced some views. And I loved the colors...

I woke up about 4:30 am each day because my body thought it was 6:30 am. That did come with perks. I beat all the traffic as there were few people on the roads. And with my hotel's location, I had to do extra driving that wasn’t factored into my agenda before I left home.

I had an appointment on Tuesday with the operations manager at the Alpine Recycling facility in Denver. I planned it about a month in advance. I’ll save y’all from scrolling through photos of trash and the like. I understand not everyone is as excited about conservation as I am…LOL. But here is Brent and me!

  He let me keep the vest!! Woohoo!!

After that, I made my way to Denver. The only planned site I wanted to see was the Molly Brown house (Kathy Bates' charactor portraid her in 'Titanic'). Turns out, the writers and directors took liberties with Molly. She was actually nothing like she was portrayed in that movie. I’ll spare you the details. Try google.

          

If you look closely in the stained glass photo, you can see the tour guide's hand motioning me to follow her, "We mus'n't dilly dally. Please stay with the group", she'd said. LOL

                    

  

This chair was actually used by the Secretary of War (Edwin Stanton) during Abraham Lincoln's presidency. Pretty cool stuff.

Then I figured I'd check out Denver...

Go Broncos!!!

   

Next, I decided I'd head to Boulder. That's home to NCAR, the National Center for Atmospheric Research. Again, more "green" stuff. Google can explain it better than I ever could. :)

Here are a few views from outside this facility...

   

ME!!!

  

  

After I left there, I found this...Tuesday turned out to be like work...LOL

After that, I drove to Red Rock. It's a bunch of rocks thrown together, just so, that made it the perfect and natural accoustic ampitheater. It was very cool to visit the surrounding area but they wouldn't let me in the theater itself. Some band from the '90's (The GooGoo Dolls) were playing that evening...Hahaha

That was a long day. I headed back to my hotel after that...

Tuesday was pretty uneventful. Other than viewing all the beauty God painted and gave to us...

Wednesday, though. Wednesday was something else entirely...hahaha

To be continued... :)

Solo Trip - 5 Airplane Exit

When I got off the plane, everything happened so fast. I walked out of the tunnel and looked around at the unfamiliar surrounds. Faces I didn’t know. The faces were hoping to see their children, grandchildren, husbands, or wives. I didn’t recognize a soul. I was alone in Denver, Colorado and didn’t know anyone for hundreds and hundreds of miles. UNREAL.

The space was vast and chaotic. People standing around, and others were moving in all directions trying to get to their gate. It was so surreal that I can really only remember the experience in black and white. I felt as though a movie was on TV and I was a viewer. I had to remind myself to pick up my feet and move. This is real life. Instead of appearing confused, I followed the crowd with my camera bag, backpack, and cross body purse.

We all looked like we knew where we were going. Maybe some did. I, however, approached a new section of the airport which was just as chaotic. Escalators went up on my left. On my right, there were escalators that went down. If I went forward, it looked like a never ending corridor to nowhere, or everywhere, depending on how you want to see it. 

I walked over to the middle of this giant room with a chasm in the middle and there was a map, similar to those you’d find in a mall. It might as well been written in Japanese, because the 3 of us who were standing there made different confused gestures. Mine was resolve.

My next move, and my bags were getting heavy, took me closer to the down escalators. I really only walked over there to look at everyone’s face. ‘Do they know where they’re going?’ was my thought. I searched faces for some sign of knowledge.

This is where I get goosebumps when I think back on it…

Seemingly out of nowhere, a lady in the crowd had a friendly face. She smiled at me.

“Do we go down to get our luggage? I’m not sure how to find baggage claim.” That’s what I asked her, conjuring my best attempt at composure.

She stopped and explained some sort of gibberish about, ‘go here, go there, tuck, roll, do a cartwheel, and it’ll be on your left’. I know she saw the slump in my shoulders because she smiled again and said, “I’ll help you. Follow me.”

We proceeded down the escalator, to the next floor. Now we were in some sort of alternate reality which only compounded my confusion. Luckily, all I had to do was follow.

At this juncture, we had to get on a tram that would take us to a completely different location. We boarded. There were no seats. We had to hang on to a pole for dear life that a thousand people also touched that day. It zoomed us to a place that magically picked up more people. This was called “2”. Apparently, I was “3”. Now we had one more stop entitled “1” before we made it to yet another building that held all the world’s luggage. (I wondered if this place also stored everyone’s missing socks from the dryer, it was certainly big enough)

This lady and I chatted the entire time. We had a lot in common. Once we arrived in Neverland, she explained where each concourse led to and from. She explained how to read the signs that corresponded with the flight and airline. Turns out, we were on the same plane (Seriously, with all those people in that airport. She was on my flight).

We found the baggage claim area and located ‘Southwest, Indianapolis’. As we waited for our bags, we chatted. She was in Indiana at a friend’s wedding and just returned. I told her my story. We couldn’t believe 1. that we both just came from Indy and were on the same flight and 2. that she was the person I approached. Again, UNREAL.

She found her bag first and patiently waited for me. I spotted mine as it came closer. I lifted it to check 1 of 2 tags. ‘Keaton Jones’. Yep, that’s my bag. Evidently I forgot to take that out and replace it with my info. Honestly, I didn’t even see the second identity tag. Oh, well.

As we walked, the lady received a call from her daughter. Overhearing the conversation, it was apparent that the daughter was running late. The lady asked if she could help with anything else. I told her that I needed to locate the rental car desk because of my reservation. 

We walked to the desk and realized it closed at 5 (Seriously?). Anyway, we found the help desk and I was told I needed to go to the actual car rental company (Again, seriously?).

I almost laughed out loud at all my good luck. My new friend and I walked in the general direction where the lady pointed. 14 miles later, I made it to doors that looked like they led outside (Civilization!).

At another desk, I asked a woman where I’d find the tram to pick up my rental. Depending on the company I rented from was dependent on what lane I had to cut across country to find.

“Go out those doors to lane 4. A tram will be there shortly.” Easy enough (Eye roll)

My friend and I chatted a bit longer. We knew this was the end of our encounter and the fret on my face must have been obvious. She said, “My name is Jill and I’m going to give you my phone number. If you need ANYTHING while you’re in Denver, call or text me.”

I gave her my number and she text me right away. We were fast friends. I told her I’d not bother her if at all possible and she told me not to worry. I could call for anything.

She turned right, and I turned left…

God sent me an angel. Nothing more, nothing less. I would have been in that place for hours if it wasn’t for her, and I’d be frustrated beyond what I already was. Thank you, God. You knew what I needed, when I needed it, and you delivered! I owe it to all of you, who prayed for me and my safety and wellbeing. It worked! God showed up in Jill. I’ll never forget how kind and patient she was with me.

Deep breath…

I half walked, half ran across 4 lanes of traffic (with a suitcase, backpack, purse, and camera bag) to catch the tram that just arrived (I wasn’t going to stand there and wait for the next one, if there was a next one). Of course it was full. I had to stand, again, while this crazy tram driver, speed racer, made it out of the airport to the rental car company in record time. I think he beat his PR.

Now, I had to drag all my crap into this place to get my car. I got out last, because everyone thinks that the person closest to the door should be last off. Ugh, whatever.

Inside, I had to talk the man behind the counter out of charging me for 10 things I didn’t need, he informed me that the airport charges fees that weren’t included in the price I prepaid (figures…JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS).

I find my car, finally. I load it up and began to GPS my hotel. When I booked it, the internet told me it was 6 miles from the airport. Hahahahaha. “The internet”…

“Here are your directions to The Vintage Resort and Conference Hotel in Winter Park. You’ll arrive at your destination in 1 hour and 38 minutes. WHAT??? 

I thought that maybe google was broken. I cleared my search and started over. Same results.

*Hangs head and yells, “It figures”.

Off I go!

Long story short, my plane arrived in Denver at 5:05 pm. I got to my hotel at 9:30 pm, Denver time (11:30 pm Indiana time), exhausted.

I smiled when I found out I had a surprise waiting on me at the front desk. But I digress…

That’s not even the end…

I get to my room, start to unpack, and hear loud yelling and screams of cheer and joy coming from the next room (must have been a game on). I figure I’ll deal with it. Yeah, 15 minutes later, I’m over it!  I repack the stuff I got out, hauled it back to the elevator then down to the main level.

I explained and they were more than accommodating. The young man gave me a room one floor up, on an end. He assured me that I’d be alone down that hall with no disruptions (SCORE).

Now, we are at the end…

Solo Trip - 4

The airplane ride was everything I expected. It was frightening! From the moment I boarded until I took my seat by the aisle, I wondered how I'd ever make a 2 hour and 30 minute flight above the clouds. That was only the beginning. As the airplane taxied down the run way I contemplated yelling, "Let me off this thing", but I turned up the music on Pandora, shut my eyes, and waited until I felt the wheels leave the ground. WORST. FEELING. EVER. Or so I thought...

The worst feeling ever is the settling feeling as the plane gains altitude and ascends toward the sky. I thought for sure we were all going to plummet back to the ground in a fiery blaze. Didn’t happen, luckily. It just kept going higher and higher. I found the strength to open my eyes to grab this picture…

After about 20 or 30 minutes, which was way too long, the airplane finally leveled and the seatbelt sign dinged off. Side note, any time something would ding my heartrate increased. Oh, for crying out loud, keep it together. Only 2 more hours to go. Ugh, I wasn’t going to make it. :/

After about an hour, I was able to relax a bit. It was smooth sailing. There were few bumps and turns at that point. So I grabbed these pictures while I was brave...

               

Then it was time to potty. The bathroom was big enough for about half of me, so there’s that. Upon returning to my seat, I put my earbuds back in and waited for my peanuts. Turns out, there were no peanuts. Very disappointing. Although, they handed out cheese crackers and pretzels. I ordered a coke and a coffee to go with that morsel of a meal. I’m actually surprised I was hungry, but then again, I like to eat even under stress.

The young gal that sat next to me (she had the window seat) decided that she needed her seat and the seat next to me to store all of her items. Snacks, purse, and she even used the food tray in the middle seat to station her drink, which she didn’t drink. The girl thought she owned the place. I’m surprised she didn’t ask me to move over so she could use half my seat. At the end of the trip, the flight attendant took the girls unopened drink and put it in a trash bag. The girl gave her a look of frustration to which I snickered…LOL. The girl had warning though. The pilot had just announced that the attendants would be coming around and nothing should be left out. It was entertaining.

As we got closer to Denver, the attendant announced, with comedic style, that we should expect dramatic but normal turbulence upon descending. WHAT??? Ugh. I turned Pandora up as loud as it would go as a distraction. Yeah, the bumps were not pretty. Yet, I remained as calm (on the outside) as possible. Meanwhile, my ankles, knees, hips, back, neck, wrists, elbows, and my skull were tensed up. I somehow found the courage to look out of the window a couple times.

          

The girl was hogging the view. I did the best I could....I know, I know, if I wanted to look out the window, I should have sat by the window. But courtesy, eh, whatever...

And then finally...TOUCH DOWN! (No, I'm not talking about the Broncos, who play the Colts this weekend BTW). LAND!!!

Then there's my pale face...

Thank God I made it. I know so many of you were with me in thought and you've said lots of prayers on my behalf. There's no way to say what that means to me! Loves and Hugs until next time... :)

Solo Trip - 3

                                                       

The mountains are calling and I must go. My mountain is fear.

A few things ring true for me. They are things I’ve heard in my life, things I’ve read, and things I’ve learned that just make sense in the current chapter of my life book .

It’s now or never. I’m never going to be ready, and I’m not ever going to be fully prepared. So why not now?

I’m going to feel the fear and do it anyway. What would I do in life if I wasn’t afraid? It’s time to show up. As anxious as we are in life, it’s the fear that stops us from creating a life we want to live. And I don’t want to live in fear anymore. We are only confined by the walls we build ourselves.When we focus on fear, it becomes a prison.

My main goal is to not be afraid. I'll just have faith and believe.  I am going to believe that if something scares me, it should be a good thing to try. I believe that my comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. Everything I want is on the other side of fear. Fear is manipulative. It forces us into a comfort zone. “Expose yourself to your greatest fear; after that, fear has no power. You are free”. ~ Jim Morrison

As John Wayne once said, “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway”.

I want to travel. And I want that more that I'm afraid of flying. I'll never become fearless, I'll only learn how to control it. Sometimes the fear doesn't go away, so whatever I want to do, I'll have to do it afraid. 

I've procrastinated long enough. Fear has controlled me long enough. It's time to let it go. I do understand that the scariest moment is right before we decide to take the step forward. The rest is all in our mind.

                   

I love this quote from 'Eat Pray Love'...

 

 

"It's impossible," said pride.

"It's risky," said experience.

"It's pointless," said reason.

"Give it a try," whispered the heart. ~ Unknown

Solo Trip - 2

When I went to the airline website, it was pretty self-explanatory. I picked the day and time for departure for Denver, and then selected my preferred return flight. There was an option for a package, so I clicked that and it walked me through hotel reservations and a car rental. After some investigating, I made my selections. Easy peasy.

I made it to the end of the reservation page without any hesitation. I clicked “next”. It listed all my reserved choices and it asked me to confirm. I looked it all over, it looked correct, so I clicked “next”, again. I entered my credit card information, email, and other required data, and then clicked “next”.

The next page gave me instant anxiety. Besides my confirmed reservations, I noticed the “Book now” button. I thought, “This is it? That’s all I have to do?” It crossed my mind that I could still back out. I haven’t paid for anything yet. Not until I click the button, that is.

I got up from my chair and took a breather. What was I doing? My biggest fear in the world is flying. It's a debilitating fear. Before you roll your eyes, let me explain.

I travelled to Florida by plane with my mom when I was 12. We took a cruise to the Bahamas. I loved flying, and I never gave it a second thought. In 1988, I flew to Houston with other gymnasts for the Olympic Trials and trained with Bela Karolyi (Mary Lou Retton’s Coach) for a week. We had a layover in St. Louis both ways. I never had an ounce of worry.

I didn’t fly again until 2000. Mom and I took a mother/daughter trip to Las Vegas. Let me tell you. I couldn’t sleep the night before. “It’s only a 4 hour trip”, she’d said. That was not helping. There was no consoling me. Once we arrived at the airport, I didn’t render any external attacks that drew attention (that came later). Once we boarded, I failed to hide my panic. I sat down in the aisle seat. Mom said that I could sit by the window since most people preferred it. I gave her a silent look that read, “Umm, no. I DO NOT want to look out of the window. Are you crazy?”

I sat glued to my seat, white knuckled, for 4 hours. My mom tried to speak to me a few times. She was met with short answers and a couple, “Shhh’s”. I was trying to focus on not freaking out. I think I passed out for about 20 minutes at one point, and then woke up to the continued nightmare. As the plane banked around the well-lit city, mom gasped at the beauty below and told me to look out the window to see all the lights (we were on a red eye flight). I slightly opened one eye to take a peak. I quietly murmured, ‘mmhmm’, and then went on with the task of keeping my eyes closed.

When we arrived in Vegas and got off the plane, I bent down to kiss the floor. I didn’t really care how disgusting it was. I was keenly aware that I had two feet on the ground once again. And I didn’t really care who was looking.

That trip to Vegas was before 911 so I can only attribute my fear to the Final Destination movie or all the stories I’ve heard about crashes. I’ve always said I’m not afraid of flying, just the falling out of the sky part. The logical part of me says that I’ll be fine. The other logical part of me says that there isn’t any reason why my feet need to leave the ground. Something that heavy, an airplane, shouldn’t be able to soar through the air. Reality, science, engineering, and physics provide logic, in this case. (Doesn’t mean I agree with it, but that still doesn’t make it false) See? My mind is in constant battle with my illogical fear and science.

I went back to my chair and reluctantly pressed the “Book now” button. My heart rate immediately escalated as did my breathing. What have I done? That was the only thing I could press through my mind. I reminded myself that the trip was a long time from now and I’d be okay.

To fly, I have to give up control. My 1980’s trips were before I knew what it was like to comprehend control or responsibility. By 2000, I was an adult with two kids I was raising alone. When you have to maintain a job, raise kids, live in the big city (Indianapolis), and the only person you can rely on is yourself, you learn to take charge fairly quickly. 

Being a woman with no high school diploma and obviously no further education, you do what you have to do. Meanwhile, I developed the inability to relinquish control. And it isn’t so much about control as it is the automatic ability to just “do” or don’t do. With automatic responses come the need to keep structure and routine. A break in either doesn’t usually factor into life except when you have to let go of the control. It’s like dropping a ball when you’re juggling.

Sometime after our Vegas trip (I know it was after the Vegas trip because while at the Grand Canyon, I stood edge to toe at the steepest drop-off point), I developed a fear of heights. Oh my goofness, that doesn’t help with the flying fear. I actually didn’t realize I had that fear until my family and I took a trip to Chicago in 2008’ish. We were all planning to go to the top of the Sears/Willis tower. I declined when I thought about how far up it was. I played it off as if it was too expensive. In reality, it was then that I questioned this fear.

My fear of heights was reactivated when my best friend and I took a ride to the top of the Empire State Building in 2012 (we went to NYC by train). I had to hold her hand, squeeze my eyes shut, purse my lips, and pray the cables didn’t give out before we reached the top. 45 seconds. It took 45 seconds, or in other words, an eternity (I had to do it. Seeing the sunset at the top was on my bucket list). I have no idea where this fear came from. I’ll keep searching for the origin, because I have to kill these fears at the root.

The quickest way that I’ve learned to overcome any of my fears is to face them. I won’t get into the others, as they pale in comparison. This year has been a year of looking my fears head on as they surface. I don’t back down. So what better time to face the scariest fear I possess?

As I said in my prior blog, I’ve wanted to run away from home for a long time. Both of my children are on their own at the moment, so I figured, why not? Taking a solo trip has been a bucket list item for a long time. When I knew the boy would be leaving, I got the bright idea to pursue the dream, look fear in the face, and overcome.  

Meanwhile, my trip is 4 days away. I’ve taken about 3 breaks while writing this blog because even talking about flying gives me severe anxiety. My heart can’t take it anymore, so until the next blog, God bless!

Solo Trip - 1

T-minus 2 weeks. That’s when I leave for my solo trip. I almost can’t believe it.

I’ve been dreaming of a solo trip for as long as I can remember. There were many days, which seem like yesterday, when I didn’t think I’d make it through. When times were so rough and life seemed uphill every moment. Raising kids is hard, work is hard, and dealing with mean people is hard.

Have you ever wanted to run away from home? Go somewhere to forget reality for a bit and just be yourself? Or even figure out who you are? I wanted to do that a million times throughout my lifetime. Luckily, I am who I am because of my trials, conflicts, and constant battles. Those tribulations gave me strength. That strength provided me with courage, and I’ll muster that courage to take this trip when I never thought it was possible.

I attribute my motivation to the words of people that had little faith in me. Those people fed me my fear on a pretty platter with great detail regarding why it wouldn’t be possible for me. They surrounded the fear and held it high on a pedestal forcing recognition into my line of sight. I believe they held my fear in high regard to keep me grounded, to prevent my personal growth, and to hold my wings captive.

The words they used weren’t always direct statements, such as, “You’ll never be able to do that.” Although, that’s the most popular declaration. Sometimes, it was more passive, like, “Why would you want to be alone?” Or, “I hate traveling alone, you won’t like it.” My response is always, “Are you me?”

If you know me at all, I gain strength through solitude. I live in a state of introspection. I’m no good for anyone if I’m not happy and contented. My peace lies in my alone time. I’m never lonely, because I like myself. I’m good company for myself. And I figured that out by spending time with me.

To clarify, I’ll write several blogs leading up to my departure, if you want to follow me along this journey. I’ll describe my fear, and the reasons why I am taking this trip. I’ll also describe how I am preparing for it. For now, I’ll rest, because I’m depleted for the evening and my courage still comes in waves.